I didn’t realize how emotionally reactive I had become until I started noticing how quickly I could go from zero to overwhelmed. A tone of voice, a small comment, someone being inconsiderate—it all felt like a personal attack. My body would tense up, my chest would get tight, and suddenly my whole day felt ruined.
But eventually, I got tired of being that girl — the one whose mood could be wrecked by someone else’s inconsiderate behavior. Especially when that someone is a person I unfortunately live under the same roof with.
My mother’s husband has been the main culprit. His passive aggression, his tone, his selfishness — all of it used to send me immediately into a negative headspace. I’d stew, ruminate, and go to bed thinking about whatever irritating thing he did that day. Meanwhile, he went on with his life, totally unbothered while I carried around all this tension and anger.
At some point, I realized I was drowning in negativity. My aura felt like a black cloud because I was constantly irritated.
Then one day, it hit me: I was letting someone I didn’t even like control my entire emotional state. This person whose opinion I don’t value, whose behavior I don’t respect — why was I giving him the power to ruin my day? My week? My whole damn mood?
I realized that getting triggered over and over by the same person doing the same predictable things was actually … kind of silly. If you know someone is selfish, why are you shocked when they act selfishly? If you know they’re inconsiderate, why does it still surprise you when they’re inconsiderate?
I’d tried talking to him. He’d either yell or storm out. Nothing changed — not his personality, not his behavior, not his level of consideration. That’s when I finally understood: my reaction was the only part of the equation I had power over.
And I decided I was done being so bothered.
A lot of the time, people aren’t purposely trying to hurt or annoy you. They’re just living their lives, doing and saying whatever they want, unconcerned with how it affects anyone else.
But Here’s Where Emotional Regulation Gets Tricky
Because then you start thinking, “Okay, but what if they ARE doing it on purpose? What if they’re intentionally being hurtful?”
And honestly? It doesn’t actually matter when it comes to how to stop being emotionally reactive.
Stay with me here. Whether someone is genuinely oblivious and living in their own bubble or actively trying to get a rise out of you because they’re a miserable person, your getting upset doesn’t improve either situation. If they’re oblivious, they’re not suddenly gaining empathy because you’re angry. If they’re doing it on purpose, congratulations—you’re giving them exactly what they want.
Either way, you’re the one stewing in negative emotions while they go about their day unbothered.
Neither scenario is worth your peace. This is critical for learning how to stop getting triggered.
So here’s what I want you to remember the next time you feel yourself getting triggered by someone…
1. Stop Taking Things So Personally
This was my biggest hurdle in figuring out how to stop being emotionally triggered. I feel things deeply. When someone is rude or dismissive or inconsiderate, it HURTS. It feels personal. It feels like they’re saying something about my worth.
But here’s what I’m learning: most of the time, people’s behavior is about them, not you.
That person who cut you off in traffic? Not a personal vendetta—they’re just a bad driver. Your coworker who never says good morning? Probably not because they hate you—they’re just not a morning person. The family member who makes everything about themselves? Not calculated—they’re just self-absorbed.
And even when someone is intentionally rude or petty, that still doesn’t mean I have to internalize it. Their behavior comes from their world, their wounds, their limitations. It has nothing to do with who I am.
When I stop interpreting everything as a personal attack, the emotional intensity drops instantly.
2. Be a Chill Surfer Dude
When I feel myself thinking about something for too long, I picture myself as this totally chill surfer dude. Waves come, waves go. Some are choppy, some try to knock you over. But a surfer doesn’t get offended by a wave — they just ride it or let it pass.
A surfer dude doesn’t let a rude stranger from ten minutes ago ruin his surf. He chills.
That’s the vibe I’m trying to cultivate. People do annoying things? It rolls off me. It comes, it goes. I don’t need to analyze, obsess, or attach meaning to it.
Am I perfect at this? HELL NO. But I’m getting better.
3. Pause Before You React
One of the hardest but most transformative things I’ve learned is to give myself a moment before reacting. When irritation spikes, or my chest starts heating up, I force myself to pause—even for five seconds.
That tiny pause interrupts the automatic reaction that used to happen every single time.
It keeps me from saying things I’ll regret and gives my nervous system a second to recalibrate. Sometimes that pause becomes me stepping away from the conversation entirely. Sometimes it’s a breath. Sometimes it’s reminding myself: “You don’t have to match their energy. You don’t have to accept their chaos.”
It’s simple, but it has saved me so many times.
4. Stop Expecting People to Act as You Would
This one hurt. Because I spent way too long expecting certain people—especially the ones I live with—to behave better, apologize, show consideration, or magically develop emotional intelligence.
Every time I expected that, I set myself up for disappointment.
Some people are simply who they are. They’re not going to wake up and say, “You know what? I should be more thoughtful today.”
Accepting that truth doesn’t mean you condone their behavior. It just means you stop expecting water from a stone. And with lower expectations of chronically selfish people, the emotional rollercoaster naturally calms down.
5. Protect Your Peace
Your peace is priceless. Treat it like something rare and valuable.
I protect my energy by stepping away when needed, practicing deep breathing, journaling when my thoughts spiral, going for walks, using headphones, and — yes — cutting off toxic people. Even family.
The goal isn’t to be unbothered 24/7. It’s to stop letting someone else’s chaos seep into your emotional field. And when you are bothered, it’s about finding what brings you back to center.
6. Track Your Triggers
Tracking your triggers is one of the most underrated tools for becoming less reactive. When you write down what sets you off, patterns start to appear. Maybe mornings are rough. Maybe you hate being interrupted. Maybe you get triggered when you feel ignored or rushed.
Knowing your triggers means you stop getting blindsided.
And once you identify a repeat trigger, you can prepare for it. Before stepping into the situation, I remind myself: “This is one of my triggers. I already know how this goes. I’m choosing a different response.”
Then I create a buffer: unclench my jaw, drop my shoulders, breathe slowly, mentally say “Not today.”
You can even rehearse neutral phrases like:
– “Okay, noted.”
– “I’m not engaging with this right now.”
– “This isn’t mine to carry.”
– “I don’t take this personally anymore.”
These tiny shifts create huge emotional freedom.
7. Remember You’re in Control of Your Response
At the end of the day, the only thing you truly control is your response. Not someone’s tone, comment, attitude, or inconsiderate behavior — just you.
And that’s frustrating, but it’s also incredibly freeing.
You get to decide whether someone’s behavior ruins your day or barely grazes your mood. You get to choose whether to mirror their energy or protect your peace.
I want to be clear: I am not some zen master gliding through life unaffected. I still get triggered. I still get irritated. I still have moments where I want to scream into a pillow.
But the difference now is that those moments are shorter. I catch myself quicker. I stop the spiral earlier. I bounce back faster.
That is growth.
You cannot control inconsiderate people. You cannot force someone to respect you. You cannot make someone emotionally intelligent.
But you can control whether they steal your peace.
And little by little, choice by choice, you become someone who no longer gets knocked off-center by every inconsiderate person with bad energy.
Is it easy? No. Does it happen overnight? Absolutely not. Am I still working on these skills while actively annoyed? Yup.
But we’re out here trying, and that’s what matters.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to take a few deep breaths and remind myself that I am a chill surfer dude who does not get upset over lost causes.
Mostly.
Xo, Krystal
